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So, first a brief update on my progress with the Lapis Azurai rework. I won’t be releasing a demo or early version of this game – the earliest preview will be after I’ve completed the intro, chapter 1, and the content for at least one of the three endings / routes.

I am still, slowly, working on this. Currently I have the intro and about 1/3 of chapter 1 done. It’s about equivalent to the content that’s in the currently released version of Lapis Azurai, but it’s not all the same stuff – still plenty more I can port over as it fits in.

Spent some time today coding up a directed force graph (similar to this) of all the events in the game (pulled straight from the source code) to help make sure everything triggers / depends on other events as it should.



Now for real-life sexy story time. :)



I am the worst lesbian. I say this because I have a boyfriend. Now, this should probably disqualify me from being a lesbian, but it’s really just true that I’m attracted to women and not men. I wish I liked guys, but really, they just don’t do it for me. R and I have been dating from July. We have all sorts of fun sexy times together, but they all involve him keeping his pants on. So… anyway, long story short, I’m a lesbian with a boyfriend (in addition to my two-year girlfriend, and any number of other shorter term female kink/fuck buddies).

This Halloween, my friend R* and I went together to a sexy party (the woman on the poster is even cuter in real life – we watch movies together sometimes). Neither of us wore a costume, just him in his button-down shirt and me in a slinky red dress hugging my curves, shoulder length reddish-brown curls. I enjoy being eye candy, hanging off his arm.

It apparently got better later in the evening, but we were there right at the beginning, and got bored rather quickly. We skedaddled back to his apartment. I’ve been to his apartment before, but only ever while his partner is there. Tonight she was busy with other things. Lovely woman, but threesomes aren’t in the cards for them right now.

First thing through the door, I pulled my dress up over my head, depositing it along with my bra in a pile by the door. “Much better,” I said with a little wiggle and a grin. Yes, I actually do those things in real life. I like being cute.

He laughed and hugged me, and then, with me holding up my hair to keep it out of the way, used my dress as a blindfold. R guided me to the center of the room and left me standing there, arms at my sides, while he caressed my sides, my breasts, cupped my chin in his hand. He’s immensely stronger than me – over 200lbs, and basically all of it muscle. I never really understood the “feeling safe while a big strong man holds you” trope until he entered my life.

“Anything you want?” he whispered in my ear.

“Um…” I bit my lip. “You could tie my hands behind my back?”

“I was just thinking about that. Don’t move.” He returned a moment later with a coil of rope, which he used to bind my arms behind my back. I squirmed a bit, ensuring it wasn’t going to be too tight to wear for a while, and he loosened it a bit more so I could pull my hands out if I absolutely had to. Bondage is really sexy, but porn never shows all the adjustments, tweaks and back-and-forth needed to make it safe and sexy at the same time.

We’d discussed the scene a little ahead of time. So, when he started turning me around and jerking me here and there across the floor, I intentionally didn’t keep track of which way I was facing and where I was. I intentionally confused and disoriented myself. Spin, grab, turn back the other way, three steps forward, turn… I lost track of where the doorway way, where the couches were, everything.

He left me standing there and stepped back. I couldn’t see anything, couldn’t really hear him moving on carpet… oww! I jerked a little as he flicked my nipple. Hands tied behind my back I couldn’t really protect myself – the best I could do was scrunch my shoulders, bow my head and curl up a little. He corrected my posture, standing me back upright, pulling my head back up, stroking my cheek.

I also intentionally suppressed the part of my mind that knew I was safe, that knew it was R and trusted him. I made myself scared. This is harder than it sounds – I’m naturally quite calm and cool during crisis and danger. But being naked helps with being scared. Being disoriented and blind helps with being scared. Being alone in an apartment with a man who I can literally punch with my full strength and he just laughs at me helps with being scared. After a few minutes he checked in with me – pulled me into a hug, stroked my hair, spoke softly and asked how I was doing. I was doing fantastically. Anything I wanted? Head shake. Want to keep going? Nod. He ended the hug, slapped my ass a few times, and left me standing there alone in silence for much of a minute.

I started trembling, just my legs shaking a little bit. I hunched over again, and he corrected my posture. He’d move between stroking me, striking me, stepping back and leaving me all alone for half a minute without making a sound and then suddenly touch me from behind. He used a wooden dowel sometimes for smacks, or held it across my throat as he came up from behind and pressed himself against me. I don’t know how long this went on, only that I was whimpering and shaking by the end. He kept returning me to a standing posture every time I’d try to hunch over or shy away.

Wham! Suddenly my legs were swept out from under me, he seized my shoulders and pulled me over backwards. Completely without warning or preamble, blind and shocked I barely had time to squeak before I hit the carpet. It was terrifying. Softly, cushioned by strong hands in complete control of my fall.

R hugged me and asked if I was ok. I said I was. He took off the blindfold, and I blinked a lot. He hugged me more, then untied my hands. “I thought you’d enjoy that, but I wasn’t sure and wanted to check in.” We cuddled, and I reassured him I had really liked it. This is another thing that porn usually misses – the fact that tops need reassurance too! He cares for me, and doesn’t want me hurt, and so he needs reassurance and comfort too when we try new things like this. Comfort that yes I enjoyed it, that no he’s not a bad person for wanting to do things like this to his girlfriend.

“Next time, next time when I take you down maybe it won’t be the end,” he smiled and kissed my forehead.

I grinned back and did my little wiggle in his arms. “Yeah, let’s do that.”



So there you have it – that’s how I spent evening a few nights ago, on my very first fear-play scene. I loved it.

Happy belated Halloween, everyone.


The time has come, the mistress said, to speak of many things.
Of boots and whips and candle wax, of floggers and impact scenes.
And why your body is boiling hot, and how you like fuckings.


You might enjoy a new thing I’ve been working on. The project is available on github, as usual. It’ll work on mobile, but the interface is much nicer with title (hover) text, and thus a mouse.

This was inspired about a year ago by someone who asked “where are all the games where you play as the slave?” It was a good question, and an interesting thought. Here’s my partial answer.

It’s also a coding experiment. The entire game so far compiles to a single file, 113kb with no external assets. Any developers who inspect the source while it’s running will notice something else interesting – all the interaction is controlled by onclick attributes of <button>s. No fancy event binding, no black magic here, just functions in the global scope and a single mutable state object (“window.g”) representing the state of the game. I could nerd talk for hours about this, but I’ll cut myself off here.




2016/10/13 Hotfix: Now works in browsers other than latest Firefox! I didn’t realize Object.values was so bleeding edge. Also, skill raising actions no longer set your skills to NaN. Wow I should have noticed that one. ^^;;

In this release (play, download):

  • Removed town map, added direct location buttons to the main planning page (much asked for feature).
  • General rebalance of Resistance mechanic. More things add to or subtract from it.
  • Added new research for forced-pregnancy in the Dungeon (4 new images).
  • Two new Mess With Liana scenes (1 new image). Small, but much needed content for the early game (when you use that action a lot).
  • Some general writing cleanup, lots of small typo fixes and wording adjustments.
  • Redid early/mid-game pacing slightly, changing event ordering and speeding up some things to reduce boring turns and un-hide some hard-to-trigger events.
  • Fixed bug where max stat changes (from breeding pit, eg) weren’t saved.
  • Fixed bug where having a worker captured by police at sycamore street often assigned a new worker to the job automatically.


Also, I have a request for all my wonderful players: I want to upgrade the image quality!

I don’t know what possessed me to choose 800×600 as the standard image size in game so long ago, but I regret it – and I also regret not saving the originals, or at the very least links to them. If you have some time and don’t mind searching for porn on the internet (hard work, I know), I’d appreciate it if you helped me track down sources for the in game images. I’ll upgrade the images in-game once I have a higher-resolution original for some of them.

As usual, comments on everything are welcome. In particular, this release makes Resistance more punishing – it’s slower to fade and some actions give more of it – and I’d like to know if I’ve struck too far in the other direction this time.

Update: Bugfix. Resistance now decays at -2/day (as originally intended) rather than -4. Also, the Tentacle Raid event should now actually be available (was previously never visible).

Tada! Another Hive release (play, download). In this release:

  • A completely new mechanic, Resistance, in which skill checks are more difficult as the town becomes suspicious of your activities. This mechanic is turned on (and explained) by an event in sycamore street (and a new Liana image! Yay for Liana!). Various existing buildings and events increase or decrease resistance.
  • A new job in North End, wherein you can send your tentacle monsters out to scare citizens into reducing their resistance to your presence. 5 variants on this event, with a total of 16 images.
    • Note – it currently has two optional slots for thugs, which do nothing. I forgot to remove them before making the release.

Not a ton of content in this one, but I wanted to get it out there rather than sit on it. I’ve barely playtested this! I have no idea what the balance is like, and I’m not in the mood to find out right now.

How is resistance?

  • Too easy. I hardly noticed it. (55%, 88 Votes)
  • Just right. I occasionally noticed it, but mostly it stayed in the background. (32%, 52 Votes)
  • Too hard. It really slowed things down. (7%, 11 Votes)
  • The whole thing sucks. It's not a fun mechanic. (6%, 10 Votes)

Total Voters: 161

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Beach NightI’m working on a redo of Lapis Azurai. The current gameplay isn’t terrible, but it doesn’t really accomplish what I want it to. It’s disconnected from the story itself. Also, it has a very modern conception of economics – everyone wants to buy and sell things, goods are interchangeable, etc, which is not historically accurate (and while Lapis Azurai is pretty fantasy, Spice and Wolf has taught me a love of this sort of realism).

The new system works a bit differently. You can spend your days doing one of three things: Accepting cargo, delivering cargo, or playing through an event. Rather than money, the resource in the game is Reputation – when you deliver cargo on time, your reputation increases at both the source and destination locations. Reputation slowly decays – if you leave it alone, it’ll eventually evaporate. Reputation is spent on playing through events – all of which are one shot, story or character related. No more “Gathering wood”, “Combat Training”, etc.

Each event grants experience to one or more characters, which is spent to level them up, granting bonuses like greater availability of jobs, more reputation, or decreased delay / damage from storms. Events have an expiration date – you’ll only be able to hit around half of them in a single playthrough, which in turn means you’ll have to chose which characters to level up – which in turn determines which route you’ll end up entering. Each character has their own unique skill tree.

The net result is this – I don’t have to spend time writing “filler” events, and can spend time advancing the story. Stat raising takes a secondary role. There’s good reason to travel all over the map – events are spread around. I can massively simplify the UI (there isn’t even a Port screen anymore, it’s all done from the map).

Now for the controversial bit: Lapis Azurai 2.0 is going to be PG13. Really, the sexy elements just never fit – there’ll be some romance, and possibly some fade to black moments, but it’s going to be aimed at a mass market. You’ll have to rely on Hive and the other game I’m working on in secret (no spoilers! You didn’t vote for that :P) to fullfil your adult BlueWinds quota.

So in honor of the number one choice in the poll I started last night (as of the time of this writing – it keeps switching, close race), and also in honor of the fact that my girlfriend started camming about a week ago (I am super excited by this), I give you Hive 0.7.1. It can be played or downloaded from the usual location.

  • A new medium size building (“Empty Space”), the Porn Studio. You’ll need to research it after you know how to train Sex Slaves.
  • You’ll want to fully staff the room to get the full range of events, but it can function with as little as just a sex slave (or Liana).
  • 2 “bad” results, 9 “good” ones and 8 “very good” options, with a total of 24 images.
  • Several very, very bad jokes.


I’ll do the second place option later, whatever it happens to be – gotta go play some Arkham Horror this afternoon with cuddles afterwards. Schlup shlup.

(That’s the sound of investigator’s brains getting devoured, not masturbation, you dirty minded people)

Unfortunately my home computer has suddenly, without warning, refused to do so much as blink a light when you press the power button.

While it’s in the shop and I lack access to the latest work on my game (it’s backed up, but there’s still some stuff I’d have to redo), I’m going to amuse myself by teasing you all. Pick two! Then… then I’ll do whatever I want, as always. But what I’ll likely want is to do the top two choices. ;)

What do you want?

  • Add a couple small new events to Hive (28%, 71 Votes)
  • Notes about Lapis Azurai rewrite (in progress!) (26%, 67 Votes)
  • Notes about the other game I'm working on (26%, 65 Votes)
  • More stories from my sex life (20%, 50 Votes)

Total Voters: 156

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I cracked open the game source files for the first time two months. No update yet, but there is some new stuff in progress. Hurrah! Just sticking my head in to say “not actually dead.” Basically, it’s really hard to work on erotica when all your erotic needs are being taken care of in real life by a girlfriend with a stronger sex drive than yourself, along with a succession of fun encounters for more BDSMy desires. *^^*

Also, I finally finished another project that way taking up a bunch of time – if any of you are familiar with Exalted (tabletop RPG), you might understand what an undertaking this was. Rewrote the entire magic system – all 170 pages of it – because the official one sucked.

So, time for something I haven’t done in a while: real life story! Some details changed to protect the dreamy guilty, and because it’s hard to have a clear recollection of things in that headspace. Also, the hair pulling is a little out of place – it did happen, but actually earlier in real life than I put it in the story.



Last night I went to a play party called Rough and Tumble. It’s what it says on the tin – a party focused on physicality and violence.

The main room in set up with a big mat in the center, and couches, chairs and stools around the edge. By big, I mean “pretty big” – it’s 6×5 meters, 2 inches of foam, made from smaller joinable mats. Yes, I just used meters and inches side by side. Deal with it. Outside the matted area there’s mostly carpet over concrete, with some tile near the entrance.

There’s also a back room. It has a smaller mat, maybe 5×4 yards. Deal with it, I said. This is usually dungeon space – concrete floors, racks and spanking benches crowded out of the way against the walls, suspension points.

The party itself is surprisingly approachable. It started off slow, like most parties do, with people trickling in, sitting around, talking, eating the vegan chili someone had brought to the potluck. I appreciate the fact it was vegan, but dude, lay off the spices a bit. Not that it was too hot, just that there was way, way too much spice in proportion to the contents. Also, the beans were underdone. ><;;

Anyway! After milling about a bit, we had a Hapkido lesson. It’s pretty neat that a kink club can get instructors in a wide variety of topics to donate lessons at these events. Sweet deal. We learned some rolls, some ways to break holds and take people to the ground. It was fun, and I was at the head of the line to practice the rolls – and unlike pretty much everyone else, I got it perfect the first time. :D (I flopped on my second try, of course)

After that lesson, some rubber knife fighters sparred a bit, there was a bit of wrestling, some people used boffers. I wrestled a bit with a man who has probably 40 pounds of muscle on me – but that’s not the story I wanted to share. It’s just leadup.

“Hi! We talked a bit at the party two weeks ago. I was wondering if you’d like to maybe do something in a bit, once I’m rested from wrestling,” BlueWinds smiled and fidgeted with her hands behind her back.

“I might, what sort of thing did you have in mind?” The woman wasn’t taller, but she had a much more solid presence. Muscles and a warrior attitude filled the space far more than BlueWind’s lanky frame. She’s been described as “virtually impossible to hurt” – by a person who’d earlier had no trouble tossing BlueWinds around with one arm.

“Well, I heard you like to be mean, and, um, I like people who are mean to me. Maybe we could wrestle, and you could hurt me?”

“What sort of hurts?”

“Like biting, scratching, hair pulling, pinching… that sort of stuff.”

The other woman smiled, clearly interested. The two of them talked things over.



BlueWinds and the woman (whom I shall decline to make up a name for) stood next to each other on the mat talking to the monitor.

“How hard of biting? Enough to draw blood?”

Shaking heads from the two participants.

“Any injuries either of your should be aware of?”

Negatives, both women are in good health.


Tapping out, “red” or the house safeword.


The two of them warily stepped back, moving around a bit and judging each other. “Haha, I’m surprised to see you crouched up like that. Most people try to make themselves look big and scary. Don’t housecats arch their back to try and look big?”

“No, see my shoulders? It’s pretty much the cat-arching-back pose. Besides, my limbs are long enough that I’m more ready to move if I’m a little coiled up.” Blue lunges for her leg, wrapping both arms around it and pulling upwards. It doesn’t work – her opponent’s balance is too good, and strong arms wrap around her waist, making the grab mutual. Feet jocky for position and the bigger woman goes in for a throw, trying to lift BlueWinds off her feet, but somehow she manages to twist around and get free, slipping out of what seemed like a pretty good grip and refusing to be thrown. Laughter, circling, smiling.

“My, you are squirly.” This time she manages to get her hands on BlueWinds a bit better, spinning her and hooking a leg, taking both of them to the floor. Blue scrabbles for purchase, squirms halfway out but then suddenly can’t breathe – the woman on top has planted her knee on Blue’s chest, and is leaning not inconsiderable weight on it, crushing out her breath. There’s a brief pause – the weight lets up, “Are you good,” nod from Blue, and the weight comes back. Not being able to breath is tough, and a knee to the chest hurts, but after a minute of struggle, she manages to slide sideways and roll, sending the knee into the matte and getting her feet up in between them. That’s exactly what she was aiming for – legs are really, really strong. Uncoiling with both feet planted on the other woman’s chest, Blue pushes her off and sends her sprawling backwards.

A minute of two of hard breathing follow as both catch their breath and evaluate. “Still feeling good? Want to take a break?” The other woman isn’t sweating, is breathing heavily but not hard.

“I’ll need some water in a minute, but let’s keep going.”



Rolling around on the floor, Blue is almost pinned, but not quite. Suddenly, ow! A sharp pain shoots up from her shoulder. The other woman is clamped on with her teeth! Blue didn’t know you could bite that hard without breaking the skin. Holy shit… with a start she remembers that going limp and getting wet isn’t the response she needs, and begins struggling again. The teeth let go, a hand grabs her hair and tugs her head back, exposing her neck. Another bite on the shoulder, this one a bit further down, equally painful with the last.

She thrashes, getting a bit weaker as, again, she tries not to go dazed-eyed and let the woman her her way with her. She manages to push the other woman’s head off her arm, but it’s back a second later, with a third bite. Blue’s panting breaths are somewhere between “ow holy shit ow ow what is wrong with you, teeth demon” and feminine moans of “why are my clothes still on.” Both of them relax a bit – the wrestling’s clearly over – and teeth unlatch from her shoulder. She lays there panting.

“Would you like some water?”

Nod nod. It is fetched for her.

After she’s gulped down a whole cupful in one go, the woman pulls Blue to her feet with a “let’s leave the mat so other people can use it, do you want to sit down?”



Cuddles. Blue curls up into a little ball and rests against the other woman on the couch. The arm around Blue’s shoulders slowly strokes her shoulder – the one not purple and black with three very, very angry bruises. She occasionally licks – literally licks, what a cat – at a scraped knee and nail marks on her thigh.

Life is good.

New release is finally up! It’s been sitting 95% complete on my hard disk for most of a week, but I wasn’t in the mood to test / debug stuff until this morning. Anyway, here you are! It can be played or downloaded from the normal locations. This release contains:

  • 29 new images. Two of them Liana, 27 of them women getting violated by tentacles.
  • A new plot event, which gives you access to…
    • The Spawning Pit, a new large room where you can assign slaves to help breed tentacle monsters, allowing you to construct…
    • The Cocoon, a new small room similar to the slutroom, expect focused on cum and milk rather than depravity.
    • The Breeding Pit, a new large room which you can feed trained slaves in return for boosting the Dark Lady and Liana’s maximum magic.

Yep. I’ve been promising tentacles for a long time, and they’re finally here. They are (and will remain) completely optional – if they’re not your thing, there’ll be no requirement for future plotty stuff to have built any of these rooms.